Beyond Fight or Flight: Into A Glorious Future – My Story

Teal Swan’s recent blog post, The End Of War, was her personal story of victory from her captors.  This inspired me to jot down my own story and shifts occurring in my world. Her blog post is a must read if you have ever been held captive or held someone or something else captive. I celebrate Teal Swan as she is claiming her sovereignty, first with her parents, and now with the culture of the land she was raised in.
With her receptive and perceptive capacities, she illustrates brilliantly the energetics that have been predominant in this area known as Utah. As she and I and others undergo our own potent transformations beyond living in an either/or universe, I hear and sense whispers of change ~ I am seeing new life and new possibilities. This comes in the many forms. One form I am noticing is the new and various beautiful people moving to Utah that, by virtue of their very presence here, are functioning to shift the old constructs. They have not played the game of duality to the degree and extent that we who were raised here have, and have no desire to. They are not at the effect of the culture here. Rather, they are being a different possibility! There are other things too, but that gives you an idea.

I am going to be defenseless here. I know that my very act of doing this may bring up a lot of defenses and points of view for my family and that matter, people in general. In fact, some of the family reading this, I have never told or had this conversation with. See, in the mormon culture, individual voices are not encouraged.  Rather, group think is.  The throat chakra, collectively, is quite shut down.  But now I have tools to deal with it and not be at the effect of that.  This is a rather raw, uncut version, and yet, it is time to voice this.

I happened to be raised Mormon. I ate, breathed, and drank that worldview for about 21 years. I was chaste so that I could qualify to be worthy to be married and sealed for ‘time and all eternity’ in the mormon temple. I married my husband in the mormon temple just after turning 20 years old in 1995.  We are in current relationship still. I began taking institute of religion classes at college. I discovered I really didn’t wish to be in a relationship, eternal or otherwise, where I had to share my husband sexually, as mormons can and often do, in what is known as polygamy; polygamy that is both done historically, and spiritually, to this day. After having my first child at age 21, I had postpartum depression. I started on an anti depressant. I started getting anxious when attending church. By age 25 I was only attending church part time. In 2004, By age 28, I stopped attending church altogether. I took off the uncomfortable and unattractive mormon undergarments, that have been blessed with protective powers in the temple.

It was in 2004 that my aunt loaned me a book called Earth Angels, by Doreen Virtue.  In it was a decree of renunciation to release binding contracts.  I immediately wished to take her suggestion to do this.  She said it would be more powerful with a full moon.  I marked free time on the calendar during the next full moon.  I drove out to a rural open field with Doreen Virtue’s book, Earth Angels. At this point,  I didn’t know why I was doing this decree, only that I had to.  It felt right.  I did not fully know the power, until after I yelled for 2-3 minutes at the top of my lungs in front of the full moon, which, happened to be on the night of a full moon lunar eclipse. Afterwards, my awareness told me, “You’ve just released your oaths, vows and contracts to the mormon church.”  I was pleased and spiritually free.  I had revoked and denounced all binding contracts to the mormon religion, in a beautiful, spontaneous and unplanned, yet compelling ceremony,

In 2008 I moved and tried to attend church again, because I had felt isolated, like I was an outsider. However, I was so agitated by the self-righteousness that was present that I reacted.  I walked out of the room.  During the next Testimony meeting, a meeting that mormons go to to reaffirm to each other how important and truthful the gospel is, and how special and righteous they are, I walked up to the pulpit in the mormon church’s monthly member “testimony meeting.” I was more nervous than I’ve ever been in my life. I said, in a nutshell, “I know there is more to life then just within these 4 walls, and I am going to go find it!” You can hear my Public Postimony Of Dissent here.

I went through the arduous process of officially resigning that religion, to get my name off the rolls of the church. I had to make a statement that I would not let something that had kept me in the lower vibrations of doubt, shame, and intense guilt control, dominate and manipulate me any longer. The church believes that even the act of masturbating is a sin. That was detrimental to my well being, and in fact was mental torture for me, as a teenager.  That affected me, up until very recently.  In the act of official resignation, I no longer wished for the church to limit me, and define me. Yet, I remained at the effect of the mormon church.
This is because I still had a period of resisting and reacting to the church. I was hostile and bitter and had to tell people all the ways in which mormonism was wrong. In 2010 I was tired of the fight. It was hard for me to even get out of bed. I was depressed. I dived into my work at a Registered Nurse. I started marathon training and ran a marathon. Work depleted me and I would come home exhausted after 14 hour night shifts. I was stressed, depressed, and obsessed. I was counting calories and judging my body incredibly harshly. I was locked into so much judgment. Although I was terrified, I chose to quit my job. I demanded that, if there was a God, A Source, A Universe, that it show me a different way.

The Universe delivered. Since then, I have been voraciously learning and seeking. I have played with many modalities and philosophies, including Alchemy, Akashic Record Work, Tarot, etc. The system and set of techniques, processes, and tools that I keep returning to the most, that continues to light me up and excite the core of me and speak to everything I know and be, is Access Consciousness®. Access is also providing me with a source of income to facilitate others, for which I express my sincere appreciation to the founder, Gary Douglas.

After 7 more years of work, sweat, exploring new paradigms, and searching, whilst existing in polarity of culture and counter culture, and asking for a different possibility, it is beginning to appear. I noticed the shift in me during and after a 3 day Access Body Class in Denver with Dr. Glenna Rice.  I was on my way back to my home in Utah from advanced coursework with Access Consciousness® in Denver last week. I was acutely aware of and noticing the contrast of culture and counter culture, as Teal so adeptly and brilliantly describe in her blog post.  As someone on a potent wavelength of transformation on a similar note, I am delighted to receive the news of Teal’s own powerful transformation. The polarization present on this planet which has functioned to divide us and separate us for eons, no longer is the only choice available to all but a handful of people. I will touch on that. But first, a word about polarization.

Polarization occurs with every point of view we have ever taken and then became fixed with. This point of view simultaneously lends itself to a resistance, or pull back, that having that point of view created. Thus, the concept and resultant creation of culture and counter culture. With the religious fervor and judgment present here in Utah, that polarization appears strong in Utah.  It is like 50 shades of insanity.  The vibration of judgment shows up in different stories around the globe.  It is judgment that seems to be the biggest destroyer of possibility of all.  Judgment has (and still is, we are by no means at an end) been a threat to all things beautiful and magical and life giving.

I signed up for a booth at the LDS holistic living conference after the organizer invited me when we met at The New Consciousness Expo in April 2015.  When she looked at me and invited me she had amazing energy.  I asked, “Do you have to be LDS?”  To which she replied, “Absolutely not,” from a place of power and kindness.  I chose to be at and have a booth where I gave Access Consciousness® The Bars® sessions and sell VibesUP products.  This booth at the LDS holistic living conference was two days after my return to Utah from Denver, on July 24, 2015.  In the past I wouldn’t have been able to chose this without going into copious amounts of separation and judgment about the Mormon church.  Because I released resistance and dropped my barriers, I was able to meet and work with many wonderful people and sell great products.

I have now become highly aware of, with my conscious mind, that there is now enough consciousness present, that a choice does indeed exist that enables those who choose to, to live beyond all of the polarization that has been created; to indeed have and create it! This does not mean Kumbaya fields of bliss everywhere, though. Why? Because, some people are fine and dandy functioning as and with judgment as the main quality of their existence. However, these types of people are no longer capable of holding the upper hand and destroying the possibilities of a glorious new world.  Consciousness, which includes everything and judges nothing, is able to transmit signals and show us and lead us to a reality beyond either/or, right and wrong, good and bad, us/them constructs.  Consciousness will have her way with us.  She has tunneled her way into our deepest desires for a world of oneness where consciousness, kindness, caring, and the generative energies that create and sustain life here on this planet never again will be snuffed out. The grand seductress of consciousness is whispering in our collective ear of a land of liberation that lies beyond the constructs of the old reality.  She is enchanting us to create a reality that has never existed before, hand in hand, together with spirit and matter embodied.  What can we create together, as and with the oneness we Be?  What can we create together as The Kingdom Of We?  Teal Swan, thank you for the space you have and continue to open up on the planet.  And to the readers, I am thrilled to be on the journey with all of you.
What are the infinite possibilities?  What can we be and do different today that would change things on this planet right away?  What can You contribute to consciousness?
In Joy,
Victoria Christine

PS Here is Teal’s blog: The End Of War

If this inspired you in anyway, let me know!


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